Archives for November 2012

Support for a friend who is grieving

It can be difficult to know how to help a friend who is grieving. People who have experienced a death of someone precious are often the best resources for knowing what to say or do (and what NOT to say or do). Lynn Kelly wrote a book entitled “Don’t Ask for the Dead Man’s Golf Clubs: What to Do and Say When a Friend Loses a Loved One”. It’s out of print so check your public library or find the link on amazon that will point you to a copy via a used book source.


“Wisdom sustains the mind’s capacity to respond with benevolence.”
– Sylvia Boorstein, PhD,
Happiness is an Inside Job: Practicing for a Joyful Life

Feelings are Valuable Not Negative

“What are the ways we remain secure within ourselves and handle what happens? … we view our feelings as valuable rather than negative, shameful or unfortunate. As feelings are expressed and resolved, we are left with no resentment about what triggered them. We then can more easily believe in how life unfolds in favor of our growth when we say ‘yes’ to its knocks.”
David Richo, Everyday Commitments: Choosing a Life of Love, Realism, and Acceptance

Art is the set of wings …

“Art is the set of wings to carry you out of your own entanglement.”

– Joseph Campbell, Reflections on the Art of Living: A Joseph Campbell Companion

Your Highest Priorities

“You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage – pleasantly, smilingly nonapologetically – to say ‘no’ to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside. The enemy of the ‘best’ is often the ‘good’.” – Stephen Covey, First Things First

I will not forget you …

If you are looking for a way to honor someone who will not be with you at Thanksgiving, here is a lovely recitation:

“The truest words of all: I will not forget you. You are in my waking thoughts, my sweetest memories, my dearest dreams. I will not forget you. You have touched my soul, opened my eyes, changed my very experience of the universe. I will not forget you. I see you in the flowers, the sunset, the sweep of the horizon and all things that stretch to infinity. I will not forget you. I have carved you on the palm of my hand. I carry you with me forever.”
– Ellen Sue Stern

Love is something we nurture and grow

“Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.” – Brene’ Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Writing to Heal

“Since the mid-1980’s an increasing number of studies have focused on the value of expressive writing as a way to bring about healing. The evidence is mounting that the act of writing about traumatic experience for as little as fifteen or twenty minutes a day for three or four days can produce measurable changes in physical and mental health. Emotional writing can also affect people’s sleep habits, work efficiency, and how they connect with others.” – James Pennebaker, Writing to Heal: A guided journal for recovering from trauma & emotional upheaval

(this book is out of print; check your public library)

Feeling Wounded

“You hold a contraction in your body, as do most people, that comes from early shocks and disappointments about the extent to which fear makes people cold and hard. By holding it, you unknowingly create a false meaning, or identity, for yourself. There is a part of the mind that likes to stay in darkness, the clutches at these shocks and holds onto them tightly to keep its small identity alive. The last of this clutching is to be released now. You are to take no more identity from being a wounded person.”
– Penney Peirce,
The Intuitive Way: The Definitive Guide to Increasing Your Awareness


Sympathy sees and says, “I’m sorry”.
Compassion feels and whispers, “I’ll help”.