Grief vs. Mourning

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We often use the words GRIEF and MOURNING interchangeably but they are not the same thing.

Grief is the normal, natural and innate response to disappointment and loss; everyone grieves. Mourning is giving our grief the attention it deserves. Mourning is going public with our grief or sharing our grief with others; not everyone mourns.

Here are 3 reasons that may contribute to the difficulty grievers have in MOURNING the death of someone precious.

1. Grievers discover that friends and family don’t know what to say or do so they feel unsupported. Or, friends and family members say insensitive things like “she’s in a better place” or “he’s not in pain any longer”. Grievers tend to isolate themselves ~ a self-protective move.
2. Grievers feel they need to be strong for others. Their “Academy Award Winning Recovery” {I’m fine!} is welcomed by friends and family! He is back to himself; she is back to “normal”.
3. Grievers are influenced by cultural and familial messages such as: Give it time. Keep busy. Be strong. Though these familiar adages turn out to be UNHELPFUL, the messages imbedded in them are practiced and habituated.

Alan Wolfelt, PhD, suggests that there are 6 NEEDS of Mourning which go beyond the actual funeral or memorial events:

1. Acknowledge the reality of the loss.
2. Embrace the pain of the loss.
3. Remember the person who is gone.
4. Develop a new self-identify.
5. Search for meaning.
6. Receive ongoing support from others.

Visit www.centerforloss.com to search for The Mourner’s Bill of Rights. Use Dr. Wolfelt’s book and accompanying journal Understanding Your Grief as a mourning guide.

Mourning is the path to healing.

“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.” – William Shakespeare