Pet Loss and Grief Expression

October 5, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Author Allen Shawn recalled the tears and sadness that seemed over-the-top after the loss of a pet.

“I guess this just confirms, once again, that emotions are essentially physical forces, and, if they seem to express themselves at the strangest moments, it is because, like physical forces, they must sooner or later emerge and will eventually succeed in finding a vulnerable link in the chain of your defenses. If the floodtide is dammed up it will break into a million little rivulets, each seeking egress, and once an opening is found, all the waters will pour through it.”
– Allen Shawn, Twin: A Memoir

He realized that loss experiences are linked and cumulative.

We don’t learn to reconcile disappointment and loss in the moment so we learn to carry it with us. We get used to the weight of it …

Learn more about reconciling loss experiences by visiting www.griefrecoverymethod.com On this site, find out if there’s a Grief Recovery Specialist in your area. The Grief Recovery Method Outreach Program is a tried and true program established more than 30 years ago.

Warm regards,

Lynne

Filed Under: Book recommendation

Feelings: Our personal guidance system

October 4, 2012 By Leave a Comment

“Feelings are the primary feedback mechanism for the human being. Feelings come from within. No one can make you feel angry, sad, afraid, or anything else; others however, can certainly trigger the cause of the feelings you hold. … the cause of pain is internal.” – Dr. Michael Ryce, Why Is This Happening to Me … Again?!?!

Feelings are our emotional guidance system. They point us to what is out of harmony in our lives and what needs tending.

For more on “Why is this happening to me, again?!?!, visit www.whyagain.org

Blessings, Lynne

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Faith After Loss

October 3, 2012 By Leave a Comment

“Do not judge the journey by the path you’re now on.”
– Mike Dooley, Choose Them Wisely: Thoughts Become Things!

Take stock of where you are on the “path”; on the road of your grief journey. It can be difficult to place your next step if you don’t know just where you stand. Be honest about your loss experience. What are the obstacles in the way? If they are clear-cut, can you take a step? If an impediment is complicated, can you break it down or ask for help?

Best,

Lynne

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Common Responses of Grief

October 2, 2012 By Leave a Comment

To help schools support grieving students, the National Association of School Psychologists (NASP) compiled a list of common responses to grief that include emotional (for example: anger, sadness, anxiety, guilt, relief), cognitive (for example: distraction, attention span, decline in performance, memory problems), physical (for example: illness, sleep disturbance, crying and sighing, eating disturbance, heaviness), and social (for example: changes in personality, changes in relationships, withdrawal, acting out, aggression, regression) grief reactions.

The intensity and persistence of all grief reactions should be monitored. Professional support might be indicated if severe reactions are noted.

Though there are common responses after a loss experience, it is important to note that relationships are unique and responses will be as distinctive as the bond between two people.

Resource link: www.nasponline.org

Best,
Lynne

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Mourner’s Code

October 1, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, Director of the Center for Loss & Life Transition, Fort Collins, Colorado, composed a Mourner’s Code:

1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
2. You have a right to talk about your grief.
3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.
4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
5. You have the right to experience “griefbursts”.
6. You have the right to make use of ritual.
7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
8. You have the right to search for meaning.
9. You have the right to treasure your memories.
10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.

Dr. Wolfelt encourages people who are grieving the death of someone special to be active participants in their mourning. His book Understanding Your Grief: Exploring the Ten Essential Touchstones has a companion Journal as well as a Support Group Guide.

For a complete list of Dr. Wolfelt’s books, visit www.amazon.com or www.centerforloss.com

Best,
Lynne

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Grief Defined

September 28, 2012 By Leave a Comment

“Grief is the agonizing space of disharmony, disequilibrium and discomfort between what we want from life and what we ultimately get.” – John E. Welshons,
Awakening From Grief: Finding the Way Back to Joy

For me, this quote captures the essence of grief ~ the “broad brush idea” that grief is a chasm between what we want and what we experience. Grief is the normal, natural and innate response to disappointment and loss. Everyone grieves.

Mourning is expressing and sharing our grief with others. Not everyone feels comfortable, or is encouraged to, speak openly about ~ or mourn ~ the death of a loved one. Mourning is the path to healing.

Mourning is the path to regaining a sense of well-being. Find a way to share your grief with others.

Best,
Lynne

Filed Under: Book recommendation Tagged With:

Grief Support

September 27, 2012 By Leave a Comment

“When we experience grief, we want someone else to help us because we feel that we can’t do anything on our own. We hope maybe someone else can. We cry out in pain for someone to do it for us. Our thoughts revolve around how much we hurt, what we have lost, and whether we can get anyone to help us.”
– Hale Dwoskin, The Sedona Method: Your Key to Lasting Happiness, Success, Peace and Emotional Well-being

Well-meaning friends and family often say, “Let me know what I can do to help”. It can be difficult for grievers to know what they need ~ much less to know what to ask for. If you are fortunate to have friends or family members who are naturally supportive companions, think about what would really be helpful … and ask for it.

It is possible that no one in your circle of friends or family constellation is able to provide the kind of support you need; in that case, seek out the support of a professional through The Therapy Directory at the Psychology Today Website: www.therapists.psychologytoday.com or visit www.griefrecoverymethod.com to find a Grief Recovery Specialist in your area.

Best,

Lynne

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Life After Loss

September 26, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Introducing the new Website for Grief Recovery Specialist and Life After Loss™ Coach,
Lynne Staley ~

Lynne writes:

July 2012 marked the 10th anniversary of my training to facilitate
The Grief Recovery Method™ Outreach Program to support people who are navigating life after loss. Perhaps there is something in my ten years of experience that will help you to reconcile the pain you’ve experienced from a recent or long-ago loss experience.

Here’s my backstory: In 1999, a dear friend of mine died unexpectedly and I was stunned by my deep, emotional reaction to her death. In the year that followed, I took on a creative project marrying my hobby of collecting quotes with the idea of paying tribute; the outcome was a hardcover book designed to collect written reflections about someone precious who died.

In Death Is the Secret to Life: A Tribute Journal, published in 2000, honors the memory of my friend.

Surprised by the lack of resources readily available to grievers (or, perhaps resources that spoke to me), I became a student of the subject of grief and loss. One of the books I discovered was The Grief Recovery Handbook. Impressed by the book’s simplicity and common sense curriculum, I contacted The Grief Recovery Institute, Sherman Oaks, California, about their certification program. As a companion to grievers since my training in 2002, I am a guide to individuals and groups using The Grief Recovery Method™ curriculum. I also speak to parents, educators and other support professionals to help them prepare for and navigate the loss events that are inevitable in our lives.

There are so many supportive resources ~ in print and on the Internet ~ and I will share selections through this online journal that I think might be useful as you create your life after loss.

Blessings ~

Lynne

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