“Suffering is like a pile of rocks. You can choose to carry the load, throw them at someone, just let them lay there, or you can build an altar.”
– Chad Arnold re: the death of his brother, Ryan
in a Journal entry entitled, “Steppingstones”

Grievers who have a faith background sometimes find themselves feeling conflicted about their emotions. They argue that they shouldn’t experience strong, negative reactions if they believe ~ that he’s in a “better place”; she’s “no longer suffering”.

“The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns. Faith also means reaching deeply within, for the sense one was born with; the sense for example, to go for a walk.”
– Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

Faith and feelings can co-exist.

Best,
Lynne

We want the lives of our loved ones to matter. We want people to know that there was meaning and purpose in the life of someone who died. There are times when something positive comes of tragedy; sometimes we make sure that a legacy is sustained in their absence.

“Dale was gone, but his influence was not. As big as Dale had been in life – and he had been very big indeed – he had become even bigger in death. His memory was everywhere, and the tragedy of his passing had forced virtually everyone in the racing world to change. Not all of those changes had been welcomed, but they had worked together for good. Our lives and our sport had improved and in some mysterious way Dale Earnhardt had been responsible.”
– Darrell Waltrip with Nate Larkin, Sundays Will Never Be the Same

What have you written, created or done in honor of someone precious who has died?

Best,
Lynne

It is common for Grievers to experience a diminished immune system so, as simple as it sounds, take good care is an appropriate admonition.

The 10 Commandments of Health
By Dr. George W. Calver

Eat wisely
Drink (water) plentifully
Eliminate thoroughly
Bathe cleanly
Exercise rationally
Accept inevitables
Play enthusiastically
Relax completely
Sleep sufficiently
Check up occasionally

Dr. Calver, the first doctor appointed to counsel senators and representatives of the U.S. Congress, prepared this list. He placed it on a wallet card along with this: “Give 5% of your time to keeping well. You won’t have to give 100% getting over being sick.”

Take good care ~ Lynne